A Touch of Blue

i keep attempting, trying, waiting, sitting,
here alone among the wooden walls of my confined space,
thinking and wishing, simply contemplating.
imagining? perhaps; of a potential, yet dubious, form of reality,
one that i cannot seem to gain access to; no, it’s a
world of freedom and joy,
of charismatic wonders, oh!
it’s pulling me in, these elements—so unfamiliar to me, so
unrecognizable.
It’s impossible to resist, this unexplainable force that
i am being drawn, pulled, dragged towards, against my will.
the inner marvels of this dream, this hope and
unwanted exasperation
is empowering, overpowering me.

so why not take me along? –
i have no other choice, no, not now.
i must only follow the path,
so intricate and undeniable,
as you.

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dear lisa, how does it feel to have
a smile plastered and painted on your face, not unlike
a personality smothered onto you to hide what’s
really inside?
your creator was an artist, drew that subtle smile (a discrete one, in fact)
it hides so many mysteries, leaves me to wonder in awe at your
everlasting smile that shows happiness,
or perhaps even a smile that hides some deep
labyrinth of your soul?

show me, lisa, what your true intentions of that smile,
is it happiness or pleasure? song or art,
concealed behind that smile, those unwary eyes?
share what you’re thinking, dear mona, i promise i will listen with eagerness,
i’ll absorb your thoughts, your feelings of ecstasy and grief.
and you can then hear,
hear with your ears that are hidden behind those deep brown curls,
my story, too.

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Though outside, you may be gone;
Inside you will always live on.
Feelings repressed.
Feelings oppressed, compressed.
Feelings detracted, feelings retracted and compacted
Knowing you has changed my life
Never telling you how I feel;
Friendship, at times, slippery as an eel.
Though monetarity has never been my…
-speciality?
I can truly say, without lacking or depravity…
-of emotion
that
Knowing you has changed my life.
Together we hid in solitude;
Hermits in the shell of servitude.
Obeying society, morality, peers,
And most importantly, obeying fears.
Fear that…
Fear of…,.
Not knowing the words to say,
Lacking the capacity to portray
that
You bring joy to all my strife
If we live life to feel,
And we jest outwardly to hide,
We’ll never know it’s all real;
Whether, by the laws, we should abide.
But, if there is one thing I can do
One thing, with utter certainty, never want to unscrew,
It is the threading of our knowledge,
And the experiences we have, everything we share.
You have to put it all into one teddy bear,
And cherish it for your entire life.
One thing I always needed to say,
that
I’m glad you’re in my life.
You bring joy to all my strife
I’m running out of paper,
But never out of words
To describe what I think.
If I had one thousand years,
Maybe more;
I would still shed tears
for want of your
Time
To tell you what I mean,
To wipe away my faults,
And leave a brand new sheen.
The word Love is very powerful
The word Love is very strong
One thing I Can say
Is that you will Never be wrong
Following your heart.
Listen.
It will never lead you astray.
I’m sorry this has ended,
Mad with myself for letting it get this far,
I hope that one day all will be mende.
I want to thank you for everything,
I want to find a way.

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let me wipe your tears away
the pain that I also feel tearing me apart
the silent pain of love slowly ripping away the seams of happiness
the silent agony making it unbearable to think, to breathe
wishing time would stop its slow crawl and start to race again
but the only thing racing right now is my heart, my thoughts
the unbearable thoughts and memories pounding away
pounding against the walls of my head
slowly evermore taking away everything

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I have a wall you cannot see
Because it’s deep inside of me.
It blocks my heart on every side
And helps emotions there to hide.
You can’t reach in,
I can’t reach out,
You wonder what it’s all about.
The wall I built that you can’t see
Results from insecurity.
Each time my tender heart was hurt
The scars within grew worse and worse.
So stone by stone,
I built a wall,
That’s now so thick it will not fall
Please understand that it’s not you-
Continue trying to break through.
I want so much to show myself
And love from you will really help.
So bit by bit,
Chip at my wall,
Till stone by stone they start to fall.
I know the process will be slow-
It’s never easy to let go
Of hurts and failures long ingrained,
Upon one’s heart from years of pain.
I’m so afraid
To let you in;
I know i might be hurt again
I try so hard to break the wall,
But seem to get nowhere at all.
For stone upon each stone I’ve stacked,
And left between them not a crack.
The only way to make it fall
Is imperfections in the wall.
I did my best i could to build
A perfect wall, but there are still
A few small flaws, which are the key
To breaking through the wall to me.
Please use each flaw
To cause a crack
To knock a stone off the stack.
For just as stone by stone was laid
With every hurt and every pain,
So stone by stone the wall will break
As love replaces every ache.
Please be the one
Who cares enough
To find the flaws, no matter what.

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I have been in 4 rooms so far in life

A box of crayons and paper, scattered throughout this room

A hackey sack sitting at the corner

The drapes, tattered with age

An exercise bike only in slight disrepair

And the smell of baked cookies covers the walls

The memories that must have gone through this room

Hundreds of them

Happy, Sad, Sun, and Rain.

I have to part with all of it now

I have to traverse into a new room

Why must we depart

Why is change neccesary yet painful

This room meant so much to me

In that it is a part of the makeup of my soul

It seemed like it was only yesterday that I walked in and sat down,

Laid on the couch and shared a warm dinner that same night

I’m closing the door now

But before I go

I have to be sure to leave a note

For whoever comes in the room next

“Keep things the same

Please don’t change them

Because I may be back in the future”

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There is a roadway to the Everglades in Florida
If you drive down it, day or night
You will suddenly have a feeling of being completely lost
Your radio will turn to static
Your CDs will skip
If you try to find the map in your car
It will have mysteriously vanished

If you continue down the road for more than a minute
You will find the road pitched black behind you
You cannot turn around and there are no other cars on the road

Continuing down the road you will find a fork
There are no sign posts,
but there is a man in the middle

He will be covered foot to toe
In various clothing from around the world
A turban, dark toga, moccasins, and overalls
The only flesh visible will be that around his eyes

On one side, a sweaty dark black
only found in the remotest African Tribes
On the other side, the fairest of white
only inherited from Scandinavia

You must get out of the car
but leave the engine running
and do not close the door behind you
It will begin to rain

You must approach the man
but stop 3 feet away
You must stand there silently
waiting for him to speak first

He will ask
what of him do you require
Tell him that you need to know
which road will bring you to your destination
He will then ask
what are you offering in exchange for his assistance

If you offer him a ride
him and your car will disappear
and you will become the guardian of the crossroads

If you offer him an umbrella
to shield him from the rain
he will take it
and stab it through your chest

If you offer him your love
he will take it, keep it
and never offer his in return

You must offer him your loyalty
Kneel down before him
It is the only thing any of us can do
and the greatest thing any of us can give

He will close his eyes
and bow in return
and point towards safety

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